And so it hit me. Like a bullet.
Shit. I’m in love.
(Source: poisonrain, via anditsdraining)
(Source: blitzkreigkate, via danslehicetnunc)
Date a boy who understands words—a boy who understands when you say that you love him, that you miss him, that you want to wait. He might not say the same, he might not agree, but he will know what you mean and he will respect you for saying it.
Find a boy who knows the power of words—how important they are, how fragile, how difficult to weave. He will know that words can make legends of men or ashes of civilizations, but that at the same time they are limited. That boy will tell you he loves you in one language or five and will let you know how beautiful you are through poems and songs. He will send you short text messages and long letters—anything to remind you that though you are not beside each other, he keeps you in mind, in his heart.
He will quote Shakespeare and Neruda, will point out that you are more lovely than a summer’s day and will say that he loves you without knowing how, or when, or from where. You will fall for him not because of these, but because one morning you will wake up with a text from him (Good morning, sunshine. Take care today.) and for the first time you will understand what it feels to be enveloped in a warm embrace of love.
He will sing I wanna hold your hand and all I wanna do is grow old with you, and with anybody else they are little more than trite promises. You will be scared that he is just like anybody else. But when you are sad he will hold you without saying anything, and when you are happy he will smile as if he wanted nothing more than your joy. This boy will know all the while that even armed with thousands of ways to say how he feels, what speaks loudest are his actions.
He will know that words can mean many different things, and that sometimes the tone they are said in can matter more than the string of letters they hold.
A boy who understands words knows that they can only do so much. When you whisper that you’re sorry he will understand how difficult it was for you to apologize, and when you cannot bring yourself to say it he will hug you through your tears. He will know that you are not promising to never hurt him again, but that you will try, try and try and try, because he deserves better than that and you want to treat him right.
When you tell him that you aren’t sure, he will not use your hesitation as a sign that you are playing hard to get. He will respect that you are saying no precisely because you are uncertain. He will wait, because he knows that even while some truths are impossible to contain in all the feeling that they carry, the ones that take longer to present themselves are no less valuable, no less true.
When, quietly and with a shy smile, you tell him that you love him, he will understand that you love him in that moment, because and in spite of your past, emboldened by the hope of a future. He will understand that forever is a difficult promise to make, but he will know that you want to try. He will tell you that he loves you now and always and it will frighten you because people make promises all the time. You want to believe him, and sometimes you wish it weren’t so easy to put yourself on the line.
Your heart has been broken before, by sweet-talking boys who have smiles that make your knees weak and your stomach fill with butterflies. This boy will not be like that. He will not be garrulous, and will instead be somewhat wary to speak. It will be difficult to hold a conversation at first, likely because he is not used to girls, but when he is finally comfortable you will have discussions about literature and science and philosophy—about the beauty of the universe and the never-ending wonders of mankind.
He will want to impress you, just like all the boys you’ve dated before, but more than that he will want to be honest. A boy who understands the many implications of a single word will know that this is the only way he can ever gain your trust, and he will want it because that is the only way he will be able to show how much he truly loves you.
Date a boy who understands words. It will not be an instant connection, you will fight over the stupidest things (like grammar, like syntax, why can and may and would are all different from each other), and he may end up not saying anything in front of your friends. But when he speaks he will mean every word, and when he shows up on your doorstep one rainy morning it will be because he knows you, knows the rain makes you sad, knows that sometimes all you want is to share hot chocolate and get a hug.
A boy who knows words will know that some things should not have been voiced out, and he will appreciate the great difference between thinking and speaking. You two will fight, will say things to deliberately hurt each other, but in the quiet that takes the place of a sorry you will both know that this apology does not necessarily mean any more or any less than all the declarations of love and lashings out of pain. It is a different method of communication, and a boy who understands the power of words knows the insurmountable value of silence.
Date a boy who understands words. It will be difficult, but every exchange will challenge you to find yourself and every silence will be an opportunity to heal. Find that boy, and do your best to understand him as well as he understands you.
